Pen Walking Series, 1994-2024

In the autumn of 1994, I was a student at UC Irvine Studio Art. One day when I was writing my diary with the pen that had traveled with me for years, I found discontinuous lines spewing out of its nib. I realized that the pen had traveled to the end of its life. I picked up a sheet of letter-sized paper and began to scribble—wandering the pen across the page in irregular directions—until the ink was fully spent. That drawing became "The Last Drawing of His Life", the first work in the "Pen Walking" series.

Later, I wrote a poem inspired by the experience. In it, I visit a personified pen—an old friend nearing the end of his days—who asks me to hold him up and help him complete one final drawing. The strokes on the page reveal the past we had shared: the plans we once made, the ideas we had sketched, and the quiet affections between us. In the end, the drawing returns to its origin: the place where it began is also where the pen comes to rest. He journeys no further. That poem became the literary counterpart to "The Last Drawing of His Life".

In subsequent experiments—'Pen Walking #2", "#3", "#4", and "#5"—I used new ballpoint pens and charcoal pencils, exhausting each one entirely on single sheets or continuous sequences of paper. The idea was simple: to use up the life of a pen entirely on a single surface. Here, the pen serves as a metaphor for a life—each mark a trace of action, and the worn-down body of the pen an image of physical fate.

The sixth experiment in this series would later become *Pencil Walker* (1996–2015).

In the winter of 2006, I returned to the "Pen Walking" series in my small, ten-square-meter studio. Once again, the pencil began to draw lines. The act became a form of release—a way to soothe and stabilize the unease, suppression, and anxiety I was feeling in my life. In some ways, it helped me survive the most difficult period I had ever endured. At times, after the act of "pen walking", I experienced a cleansing stillness, a kind of peace and comfort. It gave me reasons—and the strength—to keep going.

Works in the "Pen Walking" series are usually presented in pairs. The "Pen Walking Drawing" is created by exhausting one or more pens onto one or multiple sheets of paper; the strokes and pencil fragments are the final remains of that pen’s existence. The "Pen Walking Document" combines the pen-walker—the pen itself—with text and image, forming a record of the act.

Both the "Pen Walking" series and "Pencil Walker" contain certain metaphors: each pencil becomes the wheel of samsara, while the once-spotless white wall—now darkened and stained— represents the accumulated karma of countless past lives. "Pen Walking" silently surveys the labor of an entire life, provoking the quiet sigh: There is nothing I can do to change what life is. In contrast, "Pencil Walker" meditates upon karmic burden, asking: If a pencil stands for a human life, then what kind of line have I drawn through this endless cycle of rebirth? If birth, aging, illness, and death repeat without end, is there any meaning in struggling to live with purpose?

To live such a life is not to transcend it. You still carry desire and aversion. At times, you even despise yourself. And so, you fall silent. And your silence—is the pencil.

1994年秋天，當時我在美國加州大學爾灣分校念書。有一天，在我寫日記的時候，手中那支伴我旅行多年的筆漸漸寫畫出斷斷續續的線條，我知道它已經快到了它生命的盡頭。於是我拿出一張美國信紙尺寸的白紙，不規則地塗畫走線，直到筆水用盡才停止動作。這就是第一件的走筆作品〈生命中最後的一張畫〉。後來，針對這個經驗，我以擬人化的手法寫了一首詩，大意是去看望一位來日無多的知己－筆，他要我撐起他，幫助他完成生命中最後的一張畫。畫中的筆觸流露出我們共同經歷的過去，共同計劃的方案、草圖，乃至彼此心中幽微的點滴⋯。直到最後，終點又是起點，他停在起筆的地方，再也不動了。這就是〈生命中最後的一張畫〉詩文版的由來。

之後我在〈走筆#2、#3、#4、#5〉的實驗中找來全新的原子筆、炭筆，在單張或連續多張的紙上將筆耗盡。我的想法與作法很簡單，就是想辦法將一枝筆全部耗盡在一個平面上。在這裡，一枝筆可以隱喻為一期的生命（一生）或一次的主體（我），筆觸的痕跡猶如一生的作為，而卸解磨滅的鉛筆則是肉體的宿命。第六件的實驗之作就是後來的《走鉛筆的人》（1996-2015），這件作品困於沒有施做的場地，迄今始終沒有完成。

2006年冬天，我在我三坪大的工作室中重新開始《走筆》系列，鉛筆終於又再畫出線條。這個行為可以抒發、治療、安定我生活中的苦悶、壓抑與焦慮。某方面而言，它幫助我度過生命中最沮喪的一段時間，甚至有些時候，我還經驗到一些滌淨後的平靜與安慰，找到一些繼續走下去的理由與力量。

《走筆》作品通常都是兩件一組，「走筆圖」是將一枝或多枝的筆耗盡在一張或多張連續的紙面上，筆觸與碎屑就是這枝筆所有的遺跡。「走筆文件」是把走筆的行者－筆，結合文字與影像以行為文件的形式呈現。

《走筆》系列與《走鉛筆的人》蘊含著一些隱喻：一枝枝的筆，代表一生生的輪迴。那面本來清靜潔白，如今黝黑污濁的紙與牆，則象徵過去生生世世累積的惡業。《走筆》沈默地全覽一生的作業，使人喟嘆：「不論再怎麼樣，也不過如此」，而《走鉛筆的人》則試圖在累生造作的惡業前冥想：「如果一枝筆，可以是一個人的一生。那麼在漫長的生死輪迴中，我重複走出的是什麼樣的人生線條？不就是不斷的生、老、病、死嗎？這些辛苦有意義嗎？還要這樣繼續下去嗎？」

面對這樣的人生，其實你並未看透。你既渴念也厭棄，你有些痛恨自己。於是，你沈默⋯，而你的沈默，就是筆。